It's so simple to be wise.  Just think of something stupid to say, and then don't say it.     Sam Levenson (1911-1980)
Showing posts with label attachments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label attachments. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Into Another World

(If you missed it, see Maybe I Should Write About It).



The view from their living room window -- dry hills interspersed with grasses and low-lying bushes -- was oddly familiar, in that I could have mistaken it for the California of my childhood. 


I had parked the car on the street above.  There was plenty of parking;  most residents in this area don't know how to drive a car and cannot afford one.  The early afternoon air was hot and still.  The inside car temperature approached that of an oven from the moment I shut off the engine.  


I crossed the sidewalk, paused, and headed toward the double flight of stairs.  To my left, three middle-aged, dark-skinned men squatted over a flattened carton, dealing cards.  The stairs, framed by simple metal railings, abutted a series of dirt-filled, half-meter brick tiers in an uneven stack like some child's haphazard block construction.  They led me down to one of a series of dreary dun developments, each four stories high and six living units across, fronted by an empty patch of dusty soil.  Most of the buildings carried a rusty sign vainly remarking a municipal-sponsored refurbishment in 1976, and despite this, they all looked as though they had somehow survived five decades or more.


As expected, there were no signs pointing the way toward the house of mourning.  The numbering was haphazard and I could not find the right building.  In response to my query, an older man placed his hands on my shoulders and literally rotated my body to the right and downward.  


His murmuring suggested I had a ways to walk, and the apartment I sought was in fact the last one in the staggered row of developments.   As I followed along the row of buildings, there was a smell, of pungent, unfamiliar spice and slightly fermented grains, which seemed to grow in intensity as I approached the entrance.


The door of one of the ground-floor apartments had been left wide open, and the spotless living room floor reflected an image of a hefty woman lounging on her sofa.  She jumped in with an answer  before I could get the question out.  "Where -- ?"  "Up on the third floor."


The door was closed and had no markings on or around it, save a mezuzah with a cheap plastic cover.  Inside the house, the extended family -- his mother, sister, two brothers, four aunts, three uncles and a cousin -- nearly filled the small living room.  His mother had a black mourning cape draped over one shoulder, and as I entered she glanced up, sighed and shifted the cape to her lap, stood, and clung to me.   She sat down, sighed, and offered me a chair near the middle of the room.   "My heart..."


A foursome of aunts and uncles sat around a coffee table playing cards, throwing each card onto one of four piles with an aggressive THWAP.  Somehow, it felt only slightly out of place.  His sister poured me a cup of cola, which his mother refilled after every sip I took.  She exchanged a few words with her daughter.  I was waiting for a translation, some statement about how it was all over, or referring to his time in the hospital.  But no.


He had some new clothes, the sister related.  They're in G's office.  Do you think you can talk to him about getting them back?


Of course.  His brother would be needing those clothes, so carefully chosen only two months before.  


The mother continued her conversation with an aunt who was sitting across from us, while I talked to the sister and made a few phone calls in an unsuccessful attempt to contact the cable TV representative and ask him to come pick up the cable box which nobody in the household now has a use for.  


Sometime later, we exchanged good-byes and I made my way back down three stories, along six dreary buildings, and up two outside flights to street level.  I got in my car, drove out of the neighborhood and back into to my infinitely more complex, familiar -- and for now, sadder -- world.


Keep the balance,


ALN

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

"You Should Have Met Me Before..."

I'd been hearing great things about a certain patient, a young woman, but my previous attempts to meet her had fallen on bad timing.

I always get a little nervous approaching a patient for the first time... I never know who I'll be meeting, what state she'll be in, especially at the early stages of diagnosis.  Overwhelming emotional storm?  Breakdown?  Confusion?  Denial?  Contradictory, shifting affect?  All of the above? Will she even register our introduction, or -- often as not at this early stage -- will she mistake me for a physician or nurse, and set forth a litany of disjointed questions about medicines, central catheters, fevers? 

But yesterday morning, there was G, smiling, inviting me into her little corner of the outpatient clinic.  Is this a good time? I ask.  Of course!  Why not? is her immediate answer.   She is already succumbing to the soporific effects of the meds she's received, but with little encouragement she gushes into a brief description of herself.   She has this job and that hobby. She is involved, engaged, active.  
You should have met me before.  I was the athletic type.  I used to run, do aerobics all the time. I was a teacher, I had a whole class of kids, ran a whole educational program.  I love art, love to write.  
I'm trying to keep up, listening at 100 km/hr.  I tell her we can offer her art therapy, bibliotherapy.  Meanwhile I'm noting all the was's and used to's.  That part has me a little worried;  she's only just begun treatment, and she's already left central parts of her identity behind.  She is clearly a doing person -- and for now, she is not doing, therefore she does not feel fully herself.  I can relate, all too well.   

I weigh my options.   Do I remark on the used to's, thus beginning the teeniest intervention without having had the time to really meet her, or do I let it go and make a note for later?  

Her oncologist steps in to inquire about her general welfare, and I gain a few more minutes to think, listen and decide.   I am impressed with how readily and directly she describes the recent state of her digestive system.  After all, he may be a physician, but he's a guy, and she's a young woman... who seems to understand the value of accurately reporting her physical state.

He goes, and we resume our conversation.  Meanwhile, I've made a decision.  You're still a teacher, you know.  You're on a break from teaching, but you're still a teacher.  And it really shows that you're an energetic, athletic person, despite all these tiring treatments.  We move into a brief discussion of what it means for her to be forced into this unwanted break from her active life.  At this first glance, she seems to know exactly what her limitations are, and what she still can do.  She is eager to move forward while she can.
I want to learn some art techniques, and I want to meet the bibliotherapist.  We should get started, right away.   But for now you'll have to excuse me, I'm a little stoned from all these drugs, I think I'm falling asleep...
I tell her it's been a real pleasure meeting her and excuse myself.   Her enthusiasm and optimism are contagious, and I find myself smiling as I exit the room.  I'm so happy to finally meet her,  I mention as I pass her oncologist. What a fantastic person. 

He looks up.  Don't get too attached.  Looks back down at his paperwork.


A sudden rush of air, and all that contagious enthusiasm has collapsed.


He means well.  Maybe he was just trying to look out for me, or for himself.  And yes, I am aware of the dangers of her illness.  But getting attached is part of the work.  I can't do my job without it.

Anyway, it's too late.


Keep the balance,

ALN